We fall back into silence. I do not trust myself to make any more small talk. If I stay quiet, at least I know I will not mistakenly mention the house again, or worse, my grandfather. My grandmother has lost a lot tonight, and I do not want to force her to talk about anything she is not ready to discuss yet. Thoughts of how much she has lost tonight occupy us both until I pull into my driveway.
My house is nothing fancy, but it I love it. There is a small eat-in kitchen, and the living room is through an open archway in the far wall. When you are standing under the kitchen archway, there is a door in the far wall of the living room that leads out to a set of concrete steps down into the front yard. To your left, there is a short hallway. The bathroom is the first door on the left. The second door is a closet that holds my linens and a bunch of other things that I do not have a better place to store. The only door on the right is my guest bedroom. The door at the end of the hall leads to my bedroom. I am happy to see that it is shut. Tired as she is, if Gram saw the state of my bedroom, she would give me a lecture on cleanliness for sure. I show my grandmother to the guest room. There is a brass daybed against the right wall. I have a small desk pushed into the left corner on the far wall. During the day, the sunlight from the window on that wall sheds natural light on the desk top and makes it a great space to write. There is a small closet set into the left wall and a set of drawers directly to the right of the door.
“The dresser is empty.” I say, and point to the chest of drawers as if she may not be able to spot it on her own. “The closet is also empty. Since you'll be staying here for a bit, feel free to decorate the room however you want. If you want to rearrange the furniture or anything, just let me know, and I'll help you move it.”
“I'm not going to rearrange your furniture. It's fine where it is. As for the closet and dresser, I don't have anything to put in them. What you see is what I've got.” She says. She grabs one side of her bathrobe in each hand and holds her arms out by her sides.
“I'm sorry, Gram. I forgot that you don't have any other clothes. I'll take you over to Wal-Mart first thing in the morning to pick out some new things. Let me grab you a clean nightgown.”
Being more comfortable in a tank top and pair of shorts, I do not usually wear nightgowns when I sleep. I wade through the mess on my bedroom floor to my dresser. The nightgowns are in the bottom drawer, and may be the only clothing I own that is actually in its place. The majority of my wardrobe is currently on the floor of my room or in a laundry basket on top of the dryer. I pick out a white cotton gown and close the dresser drawer.
My grandmother is sitting in the center of the daybed when I walk back to the guest room. Her legs are too short to reach the floor, so her soot-covered black slippers hang a few inches from the hardwood floor. The fake fur of the slippers is matted, and I think the fuzz may have melted in a few places.
“Here you go, Gram.” I say as I pass her the nightgown.
“Thanks, Jody.”
“Is there anything else I can get you, Gram? You sure you don't want that tea?”
“No, honey. I'm just going to take a bath and then get to bed.”
“Ok. The bathroom is just across the hall. There are towels in the hall closet. There should be an extra toothbrush under the bathroom sink. Help yourself to anything else in the house.”
This time she just nods. She slides down off of the bed and shuffles out into the hallway. She closes the bathroom door behind her, and I hear the water begin to fill the tub. I can smell the smoke in my own clothes and hair, but I am too tired to wait until Gram is done to hop in the shower. I peel the smoky clothes off and toss them in the pile by the bedroom door. I pull my hair back into a loose braid to keep its smokiness away from my face. I crawl into bed, and I think I fall asleep before my head even reaches the pillow.
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